Getting into the white coat and going to work was the most favourite part of the day once in my life, before my angel was born. Now my day starts with looking at her beautiful smiling face in the morning, even when she is sleeping she has this heavenly glow in her face which keeps me going the whole day. Stepping out of the house leaving her behind with her granny makes my heart heavy with guilt and sorrow. It didn’t start there during my pregnancy, at the beginning of eight month I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia and my daughter was born in the beginning of ninth month by emergency c – section. She was in the ICU and was in my ward waiting for the first glance at my little munchkin. But it took me three long days to even see her, it was the longest and the scariest day of my life. It was only when I could stand on my feet and my intravenous unit was out of my hand that I was allowed into the NICU. That was the first episode of being away from my baby, as a lonely working mother and I felt the loneliest than ever.
Trying To Be A Super Mom
Being a mother gives you a different kind of strength to tackle different things in life. But leaving your baby alone to go to work is not one of them. Day begins with saying good morning to my baby when she wakes up and she gives this big smile that gives me a reason to live. Then we play for a while she speaks to me in her own sweet baby language, which I kind of am trying to learn and have learnt quite a bit now. The laughs and the giggles, the play with the toys and everything else builds up a quite a pike if memories. These memories and photos helps me throughout the day when I am at work.
Breaking The Shell Of Loneliness
I have just pulled up some guts to work just part time, just five hours of being away from my princess Even that makes my legs lose their power when I have to step out if the house. I make everything ready for her to be comfortable after I leave, so that she misses me less. Her favourite toys, snacks n drinks for her, diapers changing clothes, even her favourite toy. But nothing can be alternative to me, that’s what her granny tell me every time I come back home, nothing can be compared to her mother’s touch, ohh I feel so guilty at that point.
Long Distance Relationship
I call her every hour when I get any free time, my whole attention would be just thinking of what my baby must be doing right this second, when I hear her cry over the phone my heart just sinks. When I hear her laugh I get a new hope in my life. Those few seconds of call and speak to her over the phone, my baby trying hard to find her mommy over the flattened screen, trying to touch me and feel me, I feel so near to her but yet I am so far.
End Of The Sufferings
And the point of the day comes, when I finish my work and head back home. I would have the same feeling of getting to see my child for the first time. I come back home like blitz kreig, like a lightning bolt, like in a flash. I enter the house gushing through the doors, and there she would be my beautiful little doll all looking pretty than ever, waiting for her mama and fill her in her arms.
That smile she would give when she would see me would be worth more than anything on this earth. I would hold her in my arms and that’s when the whole days suffering would come to an end and I will find peace.
I know this process would continue everyday for the rest of my life. The being missed and then the lovely meetings, but after a point she would grow, and she wouldn’t miss her mother as much. She would have her own life, her own goals, yet then too her mother would be left lonely like ever. She would always have to remember no matter how far she would be she will always be in her mother’s heart.
Mother’s loneliness has no measure,
Nature has given her it as though a treasure.
She has learnt to cherish it as a gift,
Because later in her life this will help befit.
Never let your mama feel alone,
Its only your love only your time she adornes.
Also read: How It Feels Being A First Time Mom